This is a Guest Post by Sarah Larkin.
She is a young Catholic mom who has graciously shared her survey asking 204 priests practical questions about bringing young children to Mass.
Find out how to get a FREE Catholic Printable to keep your little one happier at Mass. Details below.
The Catholic Toddler Letters of Frankie and Adam (2013). Click the picture for the adorable dialogue about going to Mass.
Let’s Ask Father: Priests’ Practical Thoughts for Young Families at Church
Experienced parents often train children to attend Mass like this: sit in the front, bring the kids out when they become persistently loud, and don’t let them run around and play during the Mass. Over time, the children learn expectations and practice participating in the service.
What excellent advice! If only I had the courage to follow it. But I feel like it’s disruptive enough to bring my kids in and out of the back half of the nave.
Since there is safety in abundance, I asked 204 priests to weigh in. Here’s what they said:
How many times can you bring a child in and out of the nave?
The response was overwhelming: 86% of the priests encouraged parents to bring kids in and out “as many times as necessary.”
Five priests suggested at most three rounds of going in and out, and twenty-two other priests selected other options. Of course, issues of etiquette depend on each parish’s circumstances. But as a default when we’re visiting new parishes, I’d say that coming in and out every ten minutes is not outside the realm of what a normal, polite parent can do.
Some priests added helpful nuance. It’s ideal to minimize how much we walk around the nave during the consecration. And we can return to our seats relatively discreetly if we wait for natural liturgical transitions, like the beginning of a psalm or the moment when people stand up for the Creed.
In general, though, the priests seemed mostly interested in communicating how flexible they are. “I do not say to you seven times,” one priest quipped, “but seventy times seven times.”
Front rows
People tell me that children often have an easier time participating in Mass from the front pews. Many children enjoy seeing the action up close. They’re further from the doors that they want to exit through, and they can see more parishioners’ faces. There’s only one problem: it’s the front.
About 60% of the priests felt comfortable with children sitting in the front even if the children almost certainly won’t sit there quietly for the whole Mass. A little over half of these priests suggested that a child could start in front and then move further back once it’s time to start going in and out of the nave.
The needs of hard-of-hearing parishioners are a complicating factor here. Sometimes Grandma gets a little frustrated with Junior not because she hates kids, but because a certain level of noise makes it difficult for her to meaningfully participate in the service. This issue is especially difficult because, as a priest observed, those who are hard of hearing need to be in the front rows.
My own takeaway is that I want to start as close to the front as possible. But when we are in the front, I’m planning to keep an eye out for elderly pew neighbors and be quick to intervene when I see the children screeching into their hearing aids.
The Crying Room
I didn’t ask the priests about cry rooms, but some volunteered these thoughts.
One priest recalled that his mother used to bring him into the nave as a child, even when she was encouraged to bring him to the church nursery. “I do not believe in Cry Rooms,” he said. This priest also indicated that he welcomes high-energy children to the front rows.
Another priest sent me this article, in which a Catholic father of nine argues that it’s harder for young families to participate in the Mass if a cry room is available. It only takes a little social pressure from fellow parishioners “to make parents feel that being outside the cry room is like being on parole.” This makes it more difficult for parents to give their children practice at sitting in the nave.
Yet another priest raised pastoral concerns about what we communicate to children when we camp out in the cry room with enough toys and snacks to entertain them there for an hour. As he put it, “Children will not learn hunger for the Eucharist if church is associated with Cheerios.”
However, I don’t want to give the impression that priests are broadly against cry rooms. Most comments about the cry room seemed to assume that it’s a good and helpful option for young families. I’m still sharing a few priests’ thoughtful concerns, because I think they’re worth considering.
What are your thoughts, Catholic parents?
I would love to write about Catholic parents’ practical wisdom for how to raise children who enthusiastically participate in the Mass.
Even if you’re a relatively inexperienced parent, your perspective is an essential part of my research.
Please consider taking this eight-question survey, and thank you for your help!
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